Things My Boss Has Said
This is a story about all of the crazy things that bosses have said to me over the years. Not that I don’t love all of my former bosses, you crazy snowflakes. You all taught me something and for that, I’m very grateful. Also, I’m paraphrasing because nobody has sent me Google Glass (or Aura? Like the migraine thing? Whatever) yet. Which is good because I likely would have knocked those overpriced nerd specs off my face within seconds.
“You’re wearing a poncho.”
This is the innocuous one. We’ll start there. Look, offices are cold and it really wasn’t a poncho, but them’s the breaks. I didn’t wear that sweater again to the office. I just froze to death slowly, that’s all.
“Nobody likes you. You’re too uppity.”
Okay, the boss had a point. I was cute and naïve and didn’t realize that talking about grad school all of the time made me sound like a dudebro who never got over his frat house antics. At the time though I just reduced the size of the comment box and renamed it a suggestion box, because comments should be constructive, guys. I also made it about a third the size. Because psychology.
“You make fun of yourself a lot.”
Yeah, true. Nailed it. I joke because I’m silently crying inside. This just got real, guys. In all honesty, the joking is the result of the previous comment. You can’t be uppity if you’re the charming nerd. Duly noted though, boss.
“You know, women are bad drivers.”
In context, it was a response to me talking about whacking a mailbox once a long time ago and having no idea what to do, so I kept driving. Because honestly, what in the world are you supposed to do when you clip a mailbox with your car and it flies with such velocity that it ends up in the middle of a yard? You flee like hell, that’s what you do. Sorry homeowner whose mailbox I beheaded. I didn’t mean it.
“Maybe you should be a writer. I think you’d be good at that.”
Well, boss was right on that. Writing is like drinking for me: the first bit is hard but after that you’re on a roll so you might as well continue. Like running down a steep hill as a kid. Like jumping off a cliff. Like… I’m done writing metaphors. Similes? Oh man, I’m terrible at this. Anyway. Boss had it on the money, but it was a hard conversation because at the time I was not a writer. And I was a bit young still and sort of uncoordinated. I’m not sure how they let me function in a proper office, honestly.
“You’re a damn good writer.”
This one rings in my ears every time I open up a blank page. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, but they keep paying me, so I must be doing something right. Writing has been in my bones since I was an only child keeping myself entertained pretending to play four different people for a board game. Yes, that happened. But I’ve been talking to myself and figuring things out for a long time.
“You take on too much.”
True story. I will stick my nose into anything and everything I can. I’m like the cat drinking out of your water glass. This is mine, right? This is all mine. Knowing when to stop has never been my forte. I’m generally the person in the room who keeps raising their hand and asking to get involved. I’m learning how to just take on what I can handle, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll ever chill at my job. This boss knew me better than anybody else, and has been an amazing mentor. Mentoring folks, it’s real. Just be available. 10/10, would report to again.
“Don’t put your purse on the floor. It’s bad luck.”
So this is actually a thing, I guess, but I still think about it. Thoughts have power. If you think that putting a bag on the floor will help money seep out of it (metaphorically, woo woo speaking), well, that can become reality. It was one of the times a boss stepped out of their role and I saw that person behind the curtain. A person who has beliefs and a history and cares.
All of my bosses have taught me something. I’ve been lucky to learn in some amazing places and to grow under some fantastic people. Not of these things were said by folks in the corporate world, but they were senior and therefor a boss. They mentored me. They sometimes confused me. But they always pushed me. Kudos, guys. You’re weird and wonderful, and I’m glad I was your minion.