How to Not Suck at a New Job
This being the first week of a new job, I’ve been more reflective than usual. Well, beyond the norm. Which for me involves a lot of time spent googling why I recently jumped from an INFJ to an ENFJ, best practices for basically any marketing thing you could ever want to know, and recipes that will taste like Paula but have the nutritional content of the diet that all my cool vegan friends in California eat. So there’s usually a lot of pondering, but this is more pondering than usual. And I’m pondering the things that nobody teaches you about the workplace.
I keep getting into meetings with very smart people who share about the product (which is A+, 10/10, would recommend), but I usually want to know more. What are they not telling me? What’s the strange little quirky thing that I’ll pick up three months in and then regret not doing? So I poke and badger. There are things that are pretty universal. Here’s all the stuff I learned to do to make a new job easier.
The Next Great American Novel: Your Email
Let’s get this out of the way: I tend to write tirades in emails. I write novellas. I write my life history. And I rewrite the word vomit into something my boss and coworkers would enjoy reading. Or at least could understand easily. My advice, if you’re like me, is to write it all out. Then go back and add bullets, and reduce the word count by two-thirds. And then maybe still cut it in half. There’s your email that won’t drive your boss insane.
You, in Hermit Form
If you get invited to lunch, go. Same with happy hour. You can be a hermit in three months. But right now, nobody knows who you are. Do not turn down an opportunity to get to know these people. You will spend more of your life with the woman next to you in that cubicle than you will with your cat.
Snacks and Your Future
Make friends with the office manager and all of the admins. They know the office in and out, and you do not want to get on their bad side. Without them, nothing would run. Take the time to talk to the entire office, but most especially these folks. They’re your source for everything from office mores to PTO policies. Also, they know where the snacks are.
Less Cowboy, More Respect
Be respectful of who and what was there before you. You are not a cowboy. This is not the wild wild west. This is an office and whoever created that PowerPoint deck that looks like 1998 barfed and then died on it was very proud. And you will never know who made the ugly slide deck until you’ve insulted them. Do not make this mistake.
Never Talk Recycling
Be polite and keep your hand close for a while. Don’t make overarching political statements. Don’t even complain about the local food. You need to get the lay of the land before you make an awkward statement that accidentally offends the CEO’s wife. In a month, joking about something dear to a colleague will matter less, but right now, watch your words. I once ran into an issue where an old boss didn’t believe in climate change, and he figured out I did because I kept trying to recycle things. I still recycled, but I didn’t try to share my desire to save the polar bears.
CYA (BTW)
Emails fly across modern offices these days. Emailing the person sitting ten feet from you isn’t uncommon. But each time you get a new email, take time to process the information and respond confirming what you just read. Not a direct summary, mind you; nobody wants to work with that. But hitting the main deliverables, deadlines, and next steps will go pretty far. Look at you, so very organized. Also, it’s a great CYA.
There are a million new things to learn about a company, and none of it will happen quickly. But there are commonalities and ways to find the differences. And there are many ways to CYA.